john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Randomize