I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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