fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
BRING THE BAGELS
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
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