Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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