does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
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Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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