Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Randomize