fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
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Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
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