U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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