Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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