it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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