you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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