Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
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she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
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I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Randomize