I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
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Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
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We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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