I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
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The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
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Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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