I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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