im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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