We won't sleep together?
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
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She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
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the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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