I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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