They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
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It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
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Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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