I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
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I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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