I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
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they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
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Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
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