the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mom said you looked used
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
is that a dick in a sweater?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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