She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
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bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
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I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
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