i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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