I don't usually arrange sex via text message
ugly people sure do ruin things
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
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That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
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I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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