Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
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Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
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