Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have already put on my inside pants.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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