people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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