so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize