There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
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just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
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am i new drunk or am i still drunk
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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