Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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