im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
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She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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