I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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