I haven't been this sober since birth.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize