I hate all girls vehemently.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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