By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize