Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
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