i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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