Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
He shit in the fireplace
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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