He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize