Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
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