I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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