In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
It's like God shit irony all over that family
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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