you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize