he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
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