I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize