am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
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When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
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Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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