It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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