apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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