you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Randomize